She is my Person. If I killed someone, she is the one that would help me drag the corpse across the floor. She is my Person.
– Christina Yang (Grey’s Anatomy)
For a while, we were calling each other best friends. I wish I could take it back. Because, honestly, it is almost insulting to you and how much you meant to me. A best friend is someone who is there for you and hangs out with you all the time and is always on the phone with you – but best fiends come and go. You can have, like, a million of them in your lifetime. You can fall out with them and never speak to them again, they would mean nothing to you in years, and you might not even remember them or their face.
A Person is different though. When you have a Person, they are all the same things, but better – like they are your second half; and if you ever fall out with them, they are irreplaceable and never forgotten. They will always love each other and always cherish their friendship. They can sit in silence with you for hours, and that silence will mean and say more than words could ever. Jus their presence is enough. You can not talk for a month – and pick up again like nothing happened. Its like having another half you never knew you were missing.
That was what you were to me; you were the better half of me. It took me this long to figure it out though.
I’m not asking to be close friends again, or to go back to what we were – what we had and shared. I just wanted to you to know how much I loved you, still do, and always will. I will always cherish our friendship, no matter how fleeting it may have been – bc you it meant everything to me. Being your friend meant everything to me.
I’m sorry I pushed you tog o out w me so much.
I’m sorry I tried so hard to push you to break up with Linc – I only wanted what was best for you, I only wanted you to stop hurting. You were my Person; and when you hurt, I hurt.
To be honest, my life has fallen apart since we broke up – if you will. I went over it last night (drunkenly, of course) and kept thinking and wondering when it was exactly that everything started and when it was I started to act out – it was the exact time we fell out, or at least give or take a few days.
I fell apart and I lost it.
I know that having you as my friend again wont change that. You may have been my voice of reason, but I need to be my own now. I need to figure out how to be my own Person now – to fill in the parts of me that you used to fill.
I love you so much and I truly hope you are happy and well – you meant so much to me, still do, and always will.